As a therapist providing relationship therapy, I suspect this question is frequently asked because many people are unhappy in their relationships and whether they remain with their partner or they break up, this question often arises.
In either scenario, there’s a trail of situations where someone has accepted so little (or better yet, put up with so much) from the other that deep resentment has grown to the point that you can’t see the difference between you being unhappy with yourself or just unhappy with your partner.
Why do people remain in unhappy relationships? I see this often in patients I’m providing relationship therapy.
Most commonly, people stay in unhappy relationships because they’d rather be unhappy with their partner with the hope that things can change than be alone.
Individuals are also prone to enter relationships when they’ve not yet found happiness. Then they meet someone that temporarily makes them happy. However, over time, that person stops satisfying them. Yet, too much has been invested and hope is still there that deeper satisfaction can still be achieved so they don’t leave. Unfortunately, things never return to that blissful state and what surfaces is the fact that the person was not happy to begin with.
When you have truly found a level of personal happiness prior to entering a relationship, leaving is much easier because being alone is not so scary or lonely.
What do you do if you were the person that was not happy alone and now you are in a relationship you don’t want to leave even though you find yourself getting hurt frequently or just not feeling like you are getting enough from your partner?
You have to then find that happiness independently. Once you are able to then you will find the strength to accept your partner for who they are or have the courage to leave them if they don’t give you what you deserve.
So, while it is possible to find happiness in someone else without first finding happiness in yourself, it’s much harder and you will likely be disappointed because putting happiness in someone else’s hands will almost always lead to relationship dissatisfaction.
If you are in need of relationship therapy, please contact me for a free initial consultation.