Are We Going To Make It?

11 Jul

Written by Donald Goodman, LCSW

6.sad-coupleThe short answer to this question is, “No one can answer that except the two of you.” However, if this question is being asked in your relationship here are some things to consider.

Since the question above may be vague, a more appropriate question might be, “Are we ever going to be happy?” Happiness is rather subjective, yet in my years of experience and in marriage, I believe there are some consistent themes in happily married couples besides the obvious (fidelity, no abuse, healthy sex life, communication, honesty, security, etc).

The question I like to ask couples is, what are the issues in your marriage? Every marriage has its own set of challenges, what are yours? Do you and your spouse even agree on what they are? Have you ever spoken about them? If so, how comfortable are the two of you in discussing your issues? If you’re not very comfortable discussing these things then how can you possibly fix them? I do believe there is the small percentage of happily married people that don’t know or even think about things like these, but to most of the couples in America, these questions will make or break a marriage.

Once a couple can identify and agree on what the issues or challenges in the relationship are, the next step is to work on them? What does that look like? What are they willing to do to make it better? Spend more time together? Compromise? Go to therapy?

The last part of this equation is, how will they monitor their progress? For change to actually take place, the new behavior has to be reinforced, modified, corrected, discussed, validated, and become second nature. The only way for this to happen is if the couple diligently remains committed to this process.

This entire process is something we do everyday at Goodman Therapy so contact us today for your first free session and allow us to help you.